4 Key Factors in Using GLP

1. Use “I” statements not “one” or “you,” but “I.” Imagine if a friend were to say to you, “I’ve always had a hard time giving my spouse critical feedback.” Now imagine, instead, they said, “Don’t bother trying to give your spouse critical feedback, it will always result in disaster.” Consider how the first example makes you feel compared to the second.
2. Speak in specifics not generalities. If I were to say, “all men are workaholics” that would be a generality. Instead if I were to say, “my dad and my business partner are workaholics” that would be specific.
3. Ask “How” not “Why” to prevent defensiveness. If I were to say “Why didn’t you fire your bookkeeper when you found out he was stealing from you?”, it may sound like an attack. Instead, if I were to say, “How did you reach the decision on whether or not to fire your bookkeeper”, it’s likely you’d be more open to sharing the thought process behind your decision.
4. Make a statement to declare your position before you ask a question. This can be important because sometimes a question can make us feel like we’re being tested. Like we better respond with the same opinion as the speaker. If we can state our position first, we can often disarm the other person so as to not surprise them with a judgment of their response. For example, saying something like, “I was really surprised at how Maxine responded to Duane’s comment with such curtness. Did you feel similarly?” can be much easier to respond to than a more ambiguous comment like, “What did you think of how Maxine responded to Duane’s comment?”

Even if GLP excites you as a concept, like everything, it takes practice and patience to develop competency. When we share our thoughts, our instinct is to be direct. We want to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time and thus, it’s natural to want to share how we think someone else should accomplish their goal. I mean it’s so obvious, right?

Of course not.

Even if there are similarities and parallels, it’s impossible for us to totally know the person’s lived or perceived experience. So it is our job, essentially to be curious and ask good questions.